after tues is wed..

Feeling slightly better.. Chef cooked another pot of herbal tea for me.. Today is the day where I had to stay late.. So they kept asking whether I'm okay anot..

Did some work.. Time passed very slowly.. Especially when there's nothing much to do..

So at times I find something to do like cleaning up.. Or I just sit down and stare at the surrounding.. Walk around.. Paced up and down.. Talk.. Daydream.. Yeah, cause there's no business..

Then I went home. Still sick but better..

tues after mon

Went to work sick. Low energy level cough non stop. Feeling dizzy and giddy..

Chefs didn't let me do too much work keep asking me to rest. Head chef cooked herbal tea 2 times for me cause he want me to recover faster and reduce the heat in my body. So nice right?

During lunch I was kinda struggling to move fast, luckily they told me to take my time.. So I'm not so stressed. After lunch hour, they made me go outside sit down and rest while they prepare lunch.. The staff meal..

Did some mise en place though I can't really remember exactly what I did.. I was very blur.. Sigh.. Went home feeling very giddy..

that monday

Only one word to describe this day : sick.

In fact I'm very sick. Went to work in the afternoon..

Woke up feeling weird. Go work weird.

Managed to cooked rice, garlic bread and stuff.. Saw a friend came from another outlet.

Can't take it anymore so had to rest..

10 songs 1 mood

First saw you at the video exchange

I know my heart and it will never change

This temp work be alright if you call me

You call me

I lied awake at night for you

And I prayed

We crossed the deepest ocean

Cargo across the sea

And if you don't believe me

Just put your hands on me

And all the constellations

Shine out for us to see

And if you don't believe me

Just put your hands on me

The subway radiates with heat

We barely met but still I crossed the street to your door

And it rains in your bedroom when everything's wrong

It rains when you're here

And it rains when you're gone

Cause I was there when you said forever and always

You didn't mean it baby

In an ordinary fairytale land

There's a promise of a perfect happy end

And I imagine heaven just sort of that, it's better than nothing

In the corner of my mind

I knew too well

That surely even I deserve the best

But instead of leaving I just put the issue to bed and out of my head

And just when I believed you've changed for good

Well you go and prove me wrong just like I knew you would

When I've run out of second chances you give me that look

And you're off the hook

You'll be mine

Forever and almost always

It ain't right to just love me when you can, yeah

I won't wait patiently

Or wake up everyday just hoping that you'll still care

What am I still doing here

It's all becoming so clear

One day I'll turn around

I'll see your hand reach out

I'm only fooling myself oh

But maybe when you smile

It means you'd stay awhile

Just maybe you'd save me now

According to you

I'm stupid, I'm useless

I can't do anything right

According to you

I'm difficult, hard to please

Forever changing my mind

According to you

I'm boring, I'm moody

And you can't take me any place

I'm the girl with the worst attention span

You're the boy who puts up with that

According to you, according you

Here we are, seven days

And seven nights of empty tries

It's ritual, habitual

But it's never gonna work this time

We're to the point of no return

And along the way the only thing we've learnt

Is how to hurt each other

I'm looking back and wondering why

It took so long to realise

That nothing's changed, it never will

All these years of standing still

And still we stay in all this pain

And nothing's gonna make it go away

I don't wanna wait another minute

Put me out of my misery

I can read your mind baby you're not in it

And we're not what we used to be

No you wouldn't have to lie to me

If you would only let me go

And I don't wanna wait another minute to hear

Something that I already know

I know, I know, I know

Something that I already know

I know, I know, I know

I can't sleep

Everything I ever knew

Is a lie without you

I can't breathe

When my heart is broke in two

There's no beat, without you

You're not gone, but you're not here

Instead that's the way it seems tonight

If we could try to end these wards

I know that we can make it right

Cause baby

I don't wanna fight no more

I forgot what we were fighting for

And this loneliness that's in my heart

Won't let me be apart from you

I don't want to have to try

Girl to live without you in my life

So I'm hoping we can start tonight

Cause I don't wanna fight

No more..

How can I live

When everything that I adore

And everything I'm living for

Girl it's in you

I can't dream

Sleepless nights have got me bad

The only dream I ever had

Is being with you

I know that we can make it right

It's gonna take a little time

Let's not leave ourselves with no way out

Let's not cross that line

And I can't breathe without you

But I have to

Breathe without you

But I have to

You're the only thing I know like the back of my head

Listen to me hear what I say

I don't wanna feel

The way that I do

I just wanna be

Right here with you
I don't wanna see

See us apart

I just wanna say it straight from my heart

I miss you

Say you're sorry

That face of an angel comes out

Just when you need it to

As I pace back and forth all this time

Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on

The days drag on

Stupid girl

I should've known, I should've known

Maybe I was naive

Got lost in your eyes

I never really had a chance

My mistake I didn't know to be in love

You had to fight to have the upper hand

I had so many dreams about you and me

Happy endings

Now I know

I'm not a princess

This ain't a fairytale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood

This is a small town

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

Now it's too late for you and your white horse

To come around

Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh

Try to catch me now

Before its too late

Its too late

To catch me now..

again and again

I'm sick again. How great. It has been more than 2 weeks since I had that cough.. Last Saturday, it finally rebel and start a riot. Guess what that virus did? It became worse.

Then I had fever, flu, cough, headache, body ache, and even vomited a few times. Within 3 days, I lost 3.5kg. Cause I only had like 1 & 1/2 meal in total? You won't believe what's my current weight.. 42kg.. Can't even eat or sleep properly. Keep waking up in the middle of the night and stay awake till the next night and repeat the whole cycle.

I can't eat ice cream, but my whole family is eating in front of me. Great. EGGS! Can't eat them either and I have to see them have it for breakfast. How nice. Can't sleep, can't go out, can't eat, can't watch tv cause of headache, can't use com due to same reason, can't read comics cause my hands no strength. =.= Sigh.

At least today I felt much better.. But I'm not gonna say anything.. Just in case I say and it come back.. I'm so bored. Today is Wednesday, 5th day.. I just weigh myself.. And I lost another kg. Gosh. Going to become skeleton soon :(

health status: slightly below average

So I missed 3 days of school so far. My full attendance, GONE. Sad. In addition to my misery, I was pierced by needle 7 times in 2 days.. My movement was very restricted to the bed as I was on drip.. 

It all started on last Tuesday, immediately after I reached home, I felt sick.. Luckily, SM & A who sent me home wasn't sick.. Or else.. Don't wanna think about it.. At first I thought its just the temperature difference since I got down from a car, which is air conditioned. But its not. I took my temperature, it was 37+ then.. I couldn't finish my dinner, in fact, the whole day I didn't eat much.. Lunch was only a big cup of iced milo.. Took some panadol and went to bed at 8 plus. Woke at 11plus to take medicine again, then my temperature became 38.3.. I pray that the fever will go away in the morning and went back to sleep..

In the morning, I woke up at around 6 to get ready for school.. Only to find out that my temperature had become 39.5.. I took at least 5 more times before I was convinced that the thermometer is not spoilt. Had to stay home cause no point going, I'll get sent back anyway.. Late morning, I had a severe headache  and went to see the doctor, and get mc.. He said if next day my fever go down, I'll be able to go to school.. I was so happy back then.. Cause after going to school for so long, it feels kinda weird staying home on weekdays..

At night, my headache became worse and my temperature became 39.8. So my mum took to the hospital. Until now, I'm still not sure if that is the right thing to do.. But what's done can't be undone.. So... Sigh. 

In the hospital, registration was quite fast.. It's the waiting for my turn.. I'm at the emergency side, then the nurse said I wasn't supposed to be there when the other nurses in front just told us to come here and we've already paid to see the doctor. Since we've paid, she had no choice but let us stay.. 

The doctor made me go for all sorts of tests.. Draw blood to test (1st hole), urine test, x rays.. Then he said the blood test result will be out latest at 11.30pm. LIAR. We waited till 12am still no sound from him. When we checked with the nurse, she say she don't have my file. What the hell. -.-" After another 15mins at least, the doctor see us for 5mins say everything is normal, I can go home but on mc. Then he pressed my stomach area, I say pain, then I have to stay in the hospital for one night. That's what he said. But apparently, I've stay more than just one night. And that doctor, without informing us of anything, suddenly went out and never return for very long. We only know that there was a emergency after we asked a nurse. He should at least tell us that he go attend to an emergency, how long will that take to inform us?

When he's back, he told my mum to register my stay. Then he assured us that no needles is required throughout the stay, I'm just going to sleep here, that's all. Lying again. Right after my mum is gone, he asked me to lie down on the bed and use that horrible thing to pierce through my vein so that he can put me on drip (2nd hole). It was so pain till I cry. He told me I can't eat or drink anything. Then I was pushed to the waiting area to wait for a bed. The wait took 6hours plus.. By the time I got a bed, it was close to 7am..

The doctors only came at around 9am. 5 of them. Their conclusion is I have to take another scan. And cause of that, I can't eat or drink till I have the scan.. Which they don't know when will take place. But I thought patient should have enough food and water to fight the illness, if food can't, at least water right? But CAN'T. To think I've finally gained 1kg.. -.-" No wonder when patient discharged from hospital they're always thinner.. A few of the bed around me also says no food or drink.. -.-" I never felt this thirsty before till now..

At 12, they finally confirm that the scan will take place at 3.45pm. I already without food and drink for more than 12hours. So I kept asking if I can at least drink water.. Around 1, the nurse gave me 3 slices of wholemeal bread, 2 cube of butter, and 1 small cup of milo. The bread I only ate 1 then drink the milo. 

3pm, they made me drink 1 bottle of disgusting water with some medicine inside, say it will aid the scan. I drank about 3/4, till I feel like vomiting then I stop. The scan was quite alright but I had a bad headache.. Somewhere near the end, they took my hand and say they going to put a blue needle inside. Sharp pain (3rd hole).

Next day, my left hand with the drip thingy pain, had to change side. Right side pierce through again (4th hole). More pain. Left side remove the thingy, pain(5th hole). Nurse came to do more blood test. Draw (6th hole) blood, longer than usual, pain pain pain! I had to asked the nurse to confirm that there isn't anymore needles. Throughout the first 3 days inside, my fever went up and down like roller coaster.  One second I was well, then the next I was shivering cause I got fever again. 

There's nothing to do in there except sleep. My ward is full of senior citizen and they speak dialect. So my mum bought me a soft toy to keep my company. 

TA DA. This is call cheese egg. Haha. My mum don't allow me to eat eggs so I call it egg. Since it's a giraffe, there's some orange spots on it. Then my mum say look like cheese so it become cheese egg. Haha.

On Saturday, Edison came to visit me and brought me some entertainment. His psp, haha. With a movie inside :) He also bought me a bottle of orange juice and this! See below.

A teddy bear plus a bouquet of roses ^^

Edi the bear! So cute right?

Maybe cause of the good luck, the doctor came at around 6 and say the whole day I don't have a fever and let me discharge! Yeah~ I'm soooooo happy to go home. No need to hear that annoying woman keep complaining about stupid things. I seriously pity the nurse. But anyway, I'm so glad to be home :):):)

finally!

Yeah~! I'm out and freed! Will be updating tomorrow about everything :D Its about time I do that.. Haha.

After looking at so many skins, I think I finally got the hang of editing the code (: However, my microsoft office expired -.-" So now I can't do any work using my computer.. Very inconvenient.

I'm still sick, but better.. Got to take more care of my health now.. No way am I going back to the hospital again. I've enough of it and that annoying woman (the patient next to me). And.. I also have enough of all those needles.. The holes are still very visible on my arms.. Sobs. First time poked so many times by the needles.. 7 times.. Can't believe I've survived them..

Okay.. I have to rest now :) More updates tomorrow! 

*I love my new edi bear! Hahahahahahaha! Upload its picture tomorrow ^^

:()

Me and my stupid mouth.. Yesterday I said that I would be the next person who will fall sick and it really come true.. Other things I wished will happen never come true but this? Can't believe this.. My temperature is so high -.-" So weird. 

If in the past, I wouldn't have  mind if I have to stay home instead of going to school.. But now? Are you kidding? Yeah, I know I'm sick and I shouldn't go round spreading to other people but.. Daily assessment 20marks, professionalism 10marks and not to mention that long 3hrs lectures which will cost me 30marks. Total  60marks. Oh my goodness.. This is really no joke. I can forget about my grades if I missed one.. 

My head is so pain that I can't sleep.. If not I would be enjoying my sleep now.. Sigh. I just realized I didn't see anything much today.. Breakfast as usual = NIL, lunch : one big cup of ice milo, food tasting a bit of everything.. Dinner I ate a few mouthful of the fish and veggie then I no longer have the appetite to eat. I think I going to lose weight now.. Sigh.

i'm so tired..

Suddenly felt this way.. Maybe it always has been this way.. Just that I didn't realised.. What am I supposed to do now? Everything seems so wrong and I can't do anything to make things better.. I feel so useless.. Maybe I'm really useless.. Can't do things right..

我想我会一直孤单
这一辈子都这么孤单
我想我会一直孤单
这样孤单一辈子
天空越蔚蓝
越怕抬头看
电影越圆满
就越觉得伤感
有越多的时间
就越觉得不安
因为我总是孤单
过着孤单的日子
喜欢的人不出现
出现的人不喜欢
有的爱犹豫不决
还在想他就离开
想过要将就一点
却发现将就更难
于是我学着乐观
过着孤单的日子
当孤单已经变成一种习惯
习惯到我已经不再去想该怎么办
就算心烦意乱
就算没有人作伴
自由和落寞之间怎么换算
我独自走在街上看着天空找不到答案
我没有答案
当孤单已经变成一种习惯
习惯到我已经不再去想该怎么办
就算心烦意乱
就算没有人作伴
自由和落寞之间怎么换算
我独自走在街上看着天空找不到答案
我没有答案
天空越蔚蓝
越怕抬头看
电影越圆满
就越觉得伤感
有越多的时间
就越觉得不安
因为我总是孤单
过着孤单的日子

I no longer have a definite answer.. I was certain before now I'm confused.. What I want and what I need is so simple yet so hard to achieve.. What's so hard about that, I really don't understand.. Maybe I'm just not suitable..

I've lost my smile somewhere.. Can't find it anymore.. Found myself crying to sleep every night.. Since when I've become so emotional? Maybe it's a hint that I just can't decode.. But its kinda obvious.. Why do I feel so low, so empty, so lonely lately..

I have a pair of hands, I'm healthy?, I'm some skills?, at least I know, no matter what, I can still depends on myself.. Even if no one else cared, at least I will care for myself.. And that's a little comforting I guess..

Now I'm becoming emo too.. =.= Sigh.. I might not have the brightest or charming smile, but I really hate to cry.. Sad to say, crying, has become one of my daily routine..

Congrats!

Today had a review on garde manger.. Chef said that I've improve alot but he think I haven't done what I'm capable of.. He say if he can have me in the kitchen for a few more weeks, he'll see even lots more improvement.. Hmmm.. Is he thinking too highly of me? Haha. I will work even harder to prove myself.. HEHE :P

No matter what, I wanna get a A! There's equal to 5 As which is 0.0. If I can do it, then I really can slack. Haha.. Do whatever I want.. And my GPA will look so nice.. Hehe.

I'm so looking forward to opening that cafe with :) Wonder how much will I need?
I'm so bankrupt. :(

Anyway, what chef told me is one of the good news I know today.. Another one is..
Edi got promoted! (You deserved it) Yeah~! Haha..

Okay.. I have to end now.. Tomorrow have exam. And its not just mcq.. And I have a headache now for no reason..

Oh. I forgot to mention.. I had foie gras for two continuous days! Can you believe this?
I've tried it, and I think that's enough for me.. Haha. Nice but not really my type of food..
(I'm so glad that I'm in this course ^^)

Working on weekends.. I need $$$$$! I wanna eat more food!!! Think I'll become fat soon.. Haha.. I think I'm going food crazy.. But I eat so much now I got a bit of sore throat. Dots.

Anyway, got to study! Aiming for at least 80%!

Day 35

2nd day.. It is not any better than yesterday.. Still get scolded as much.. Except for different reasons..

Made muffins again today.. Completed in less than an hour.. YEAH~! I managed to turn the tray around without dropping anything.. :) Then after that we were told to do stewarding and the muffin batter..

The batter.. Measuring the amount required is okay.. Except for the part where I mixed up the baking soda and baking powder.. -.-" When it comes to making the batter.. It is really DOTS. We're doing it for the first time so assembling the equipment is already a problem. Same goes for incorporating the mixture.. We didn't know when to add what and the speed for the mixer so naturally we do the wrong things.. And we got scolded for doing wrong things and too slow.. For the batter I think we spent more than 1hour mixing it.. -.-" But at least now we know what to do in the future..

Then I scoop the chocolate cookies dough to form cookies, cut the 1-2-3 dough, prepare mise en place for bagels, and more stewarding.. That sums up the whole day.. At the end of the class, we have food tasting session! Finally.

Chef starts by going through all the breads, muffins, cookies, cakes, strawberry truffle, lemon meringue tartlet, bagel and creme brulee.. Telling us how to see if they're being cooked in the right way.. Then we get to taste them.. All tasted not bad.. I like the flat bread! Extremely nice..(^.^)

Supposed to have baking lectures but we didn't read up on the topics so was postpone to tomorrow instead.. -.-" Which means school will end even later.. Plus have to meet for cc.. Today's lecture on the top restaurants in the world which is quite interesting.. We also watch a video on the world best restaurant.. Felt like going there to eat.. The food looks so interesting and delicious.. I wanna try the apple caviar! But doubt it will be possible.. Only accept 55guests per day.. Just in one day, full reservation for the whole year.. 55chefs serves 55guests.. 1 chef to 1 guest.. You can just imagine the quality of the service.. Sigh. The standard of top restaurant..

Day 34

First day at baking & pastry.. Just half the day I'm already exhuasted.. And I'm sick.. Sort of.. Lucky now feeling better..

Today didn't went as smoothly as I thought it will.. There's so much to do.. I made blueberry muffin with crumble mix as garnish, chocolate muffin with walnut, prepare mise en place for mudslide cookies.. Then go for 30mins lecture.. Sound easy right? So that's a very good question why I'm feeling so tired.. If I "don't really" have much things to do.. -.-"

For the muffin its considered easy cause just incorporate the garnish to the batter which is already done and measure out each cup.. But that took us around 1hour? I think its caused by we don't know where are the ingredients plus we don't really know how to do.. During the process we got scolded a few times.. You can hear the chef keep asking is my muffins ready, is my muffins ready and that question was being asked for more than 15times I think.. -.-" Every 2mins once.. Haha. Then after we put the muffins into the convention oven, the chef now says your muffins are overcooking! Haha..

After that clean up abit and I went to help to prepare mise en place for oatmeal for awhile.. Then I convert to doing soft rolls.. Actually all of us changed to do the soft rolls cause it was the most important thing to do according to the chef.. So we cut the dough which was done earlier by classmates and roll into small balls..

Next is the mudslide cookies mise en place...................... This is also where I get scolded the most.. -.-" I asked questions and somehow cause of the answers I get, I think I asked stupid questions.. -.-" But I really don't know if not why I ask? Sigh.. If I know why should I ask again.. First day already bad, tomorrow I hope will be better..

Lunch I had mee rebus again.. I think by now the auntie know who am I already.. The girl who everyday eat mee rebus cause there's nothing else to eat.. -.-" I miss fish&co.. Haha. Back from lunch I continue doing mise en place.. Measuring the amount is easy.. This is the difference from production.. In production, you get scolded by using hands. Here, you get scolded by using spoons.. Reason is, its faster to use your hands. Quoting from the chef, you won't forget to bring your hands out of your house. Haha XD

So yesterday I was hoping that I'll be handling chocolate today.. And I did. But it wasn't what I had in mind.. I had to hunt the whole kitchen down for 3 different chocolates.. Measure, swop them and crush them.. Its not fun at all... Not when you have 2 huge bowls of big chunk of chocolates.. And you chop them using chef knife.. Next you know what happen? After awhile your hand turned into chocolate.. So tempted to eat them.. 55%cocoa.. Its not easy to do because 1. they are big or there's alot 2. time constraint 3. pressure 4. keep cutting the wrong way cause I don't understand what the chef want.. How to understand when somebody only say one word. It can mean alot things.. I tried 3 or 4 times still wrong then the chef give up and demo for me..

Next time if I don't understand I think I just say chef, can you show me how you want me to do it? -.-" I hope that won't be considered as a dumb question.. But overall the process is fun (: So not that bad I guess.. The lecture also ended early.. At around 3.05pm.. If everyday end this early, that will be great.. But its too good to be true.. Cause tomorrow there's a lecture at 4pm.. And I'm seriously not looking forward to it.. Today so tired.. Tomorrow doing same thing so will be equal or more tired.. -.-"

I just remembered I'm going to dine at top table next Monday.. I just saw the menu.. :( I wanna mix and match the appetiser and dessert.. :( Sad. I wanna make onion soup! Maybe I'll start making my chickie stock.. Haha.. Those instand ones are really salty.. -.-" Can cause hypertension and blah blah blah.. Oh well.. I finally created a facebook.. And the sad thing is I don't really know how to use it.. Its kinda complicated in a way.. I can't change things can't add pictures and I'm not really interested in playing the games there (I got better games to play! & mafia I already level 131 somewhere else.. Too lazy to start over.. Its not that fun anyway).. I'm too tired to figure it out.. Think I'll just add people and let it rot there.. Haha! Till I figure out a way..

Sigh

I haven't been updating since last week? I'm still lazy about the pictures.. There's some problems with uploading of pictures.. It takes a long time to upload a picture and the picture is always at the same position.. Maybe I just don't know how to use it..

So many things had happen in just 2 weeks of holiday.. Now just left with 4 more days to school start.. Though its baking and pastry now, I'm not quite looking forward to the first day of school.. Holiday is just too short.. I don't think I rest well enough.. With my house renovating, its really hard to have a good night sleep or even wake up late.. And I'm sleeping on the floor for the past few weeks.. -.-" My neck hurts.. Dots.

18 years had past.. And I'm still the same.. Same old ignorant girl. Immature. The only thing that is different is that I'm not longer that violent.. Those who know me since primary school or kindergarten, you should be able to see the difference in me. I rather be that violent girl in the past than who I am now.. I don't feel like me anymore.. If you tell me you don't understand me, I get what you mean.. Cause I don't understand myself either.. Don't ask me why cause I don't know..

I seriously think I'm going to be sick soon.. Been feeling unwell recently.. So tired.. I still don't know if I should go for the operation.. Sigh..

I'm sorry for letting you into my life and hurting you this way.. I know what I should do now.. Even if it'll kill me in the process..

feeling weird

I think I going to be sick soon.. I tried the chef J remedy for preventing sickness.. I think my ratio is wrong.. Extremely sour despite the amount of honey added..

My legs pain due to me wearing that killer heels whole day yesterday.. -.-" I need to buy a new pair of shoes.. My pump got a big hole behind.. -.-" I don't know why.. And its flatened. Haha!

I got sore throat for eating too much chocolates.. But I'm still addicted to them.. XP Who cares about sore throat when all those chocolates are in front of you? My intake of ice cream had greatly reduced for no reason.. -.-"

My stomach feel weird now.. I think somebody sure going to scold me for not having a complete meal at all for the whole day.. -.-" And to think what's my occupation? Dots.. Irony..

That someone is jealous cause I didn't write anything about him.. Haha. But I still not writing.. Yet. Wahahahahahaha~ *poke*