its juz too sudden..

Went to work as usual.. Today I start at 10am.. Reached just nice, do my usual stuff.. Was quite tired so don't have much energy.. Everyone was very concern and keep asking me to rest, why I'm unhappy..

Little did I know that I'm feeling down early in the morning, there's a reason behind it.. Frankly speaking, this is written days after it happened.. So I can't really remember what I did today.. Probably about the same as every other day..

The only thing I remember is changing the timing of next day schedule to 3 to 11.. And I was unhappy mainly cause of what ET did.. Sigh..

After work, I was about to go changed, my head chef asked me if I'm free to go to the headquarter with him.. He wanted to introduce me to the higher level.. Of course I said yes. I was about to go to change when my mum called.. It was exactly 5pm..

I answered. She said, my grandfather has left. I got a shocked. She continued, that the exact timing is actually 1plus.. I asked her why she didn't tell me earlier, but she said thats because I'm working.. But... :( I told her I can't go straight cause my chef wanted to bring me to headquarter, she says its okay and I can join them after that since even if I went I can't do anything..

Hang up, changed, sit outside and wait for chef.. Although I'm not very close to him, I couldn't control my tears.. When my chef come out, he saw me crying, he asked.. At first I couldn't bring myself to say it out.. When I did, immediately he asked me to go home..

I said its okay, I have permission from my mum but he still asked me to go.. Then he told me that the rest of the week I don't have to come, he'll cover the duties for me.. I don't feel good about this so I decline the offer.. And after discussing with my mum, I feel that I should go to work as it will keep me from thinking too much.. So I told my chef I'll still come in for work the next day..

I went home to put my stuff and shower before I went to my grandmother's house.. Its just too sudden.. To the extent as if everything is fake.. Just can't believe it.. And the last time I saw him is on Chinese New Year, the only time I said to him, I think, is happy new year, I wish you good health.. :'(

My poor mum.. I know she's sad but she is keeping it in, she looks like she aged over night.. Tried to comfort her but I don't know what to do.. Sigh.. As I'll be working the next day, I went home with brother, dad.. My sister stayed over to accompany my mum..

At night I just couldn't sleep.. Maybe I'm not used to having the room all by myself.. Maybe I'm affected by this.. Maybe I'm very tired but just can't sleep.. Maybe I'm thinking too much.. Maybe I'm just having insomnia.. Maybe maybe maybe.. I just can't sleep..

movie marathon

I'm still a little lazy to upload all those photos on the buffet.. Hehe. I haven't received some of them too.. :(

Last Saturday, I watched angels & demons.. Just like what everybody said, the movie was great :) Wednesday, I watched terminator.. The story was okay.. Today, I watched ghost of the girlfriends' past.. Worth spending money to watch.. I'm not telling you the story or its not fun to watch it anymore.. Anyway, its quite touching.. Tomorrow, I'm going to watch blood, the last vampire.. Saturday, I going to watch another show? Haha. All the movies available, I'm watching or I've watched. What a movie week! Next Monday, I'm watching the night at the museum 2. Haha. Can become movie critic now.. :P

Its my day just 2 days later.. Looking forward to it.. Sort of.. Going for my grandma death anniversary.. It had been 6 years since she passed away.. I felt guilty.. I can't help but have this feeling that I am responsible for her death.. I remember that day was my birthday when I visited her.. It was Friday the 13th. I massaged her shoulder, played with her and talk to her.. She had a tumour in her brain which caused her to forget things easily.. But she didn't forget me.. Her darling, that's what she used to call me..

The next day she was rushed to the hospital because she choked on something.. Then she's in coma.. We weren't allowed to go into the hospital due to the sars outbreak.. It's only 6 days later when I was allowed to visit her.. On 19th June.. She's still in coma when I talk to her and held her hands.. I see tears flowing out so I knew she heard what I say.. I told her I'll visit her again tomorrow.. That very night, she left..

One of the things that I regretted is I didn't tell her how much I loved her.. Its kind of coincidental that things happened to her just after I visited her.. If I didn't visit her on that Friday and bring unluckiness to her, will she live longer? If I've asked her to wait for my visit again tomorrow and tell her I love her, can I still see her the next day? But if I didn't visit her, and she left, I don't even get the chance to speak to her..

That day, I lost someone of great importance to me.. Someone who love me for me.. Someone who really understands me and is proud of who I am.. She was my hero, saving me when I was young.. She took great care of me, giving me everything that I wanted.. If only I can see her once again, hear her voice.. Hear her calling my name.. If only there's a time machine.. I'll give anything to tell her how much she means to me and I love her very much.. If only I could.. I really miss her alot.. :(

You were once my one companion
You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and father
Then my world was shattered...
Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed
If I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here
Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never will
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I would.
Passing bells and sculpted angels
Cold and monumentle
Seem for you the wrong compainons
You were warm and gentle...
Too many yearsFighting back tears
Why can't the past just die...
Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive
Teach me to live
Give me the strength to try
No more memories
No more silent tears
No more gazing across the
Wasted years
Help me say
Goodbye
Help me say
Goodbye...

Cherish all the people you cared and loved.. Don't be afraid to let them know how much they meant to you.. Don't regret like me when it's too late to do anything.. There's no time machine.. Life is unpredictable.. You never know what will happen next.. Forgive and forget.. Bearing grudges only makes you and others lives harder..

To all the people who have made a difference in my life, I really appreciates what you've done for me. Thank you.. To my family and friends, without you, I won't be me anymore.. Life won't be the same without anyone of you..

Gosh. Now I felt like I'm saying my last words.. Growing older means being more matured.. Life span is shorten by one year.. Minus one year to spend with people that I love.. Sigh.. In conclusion, life is really short.. Cherish people around you while you still can..

SOBS

I went to school today to print notes and buy textbooks.. This morning when I checked the blackboard then I realised the textbook list has changed! And the worst thing is I've bought the book that was being changed. -.-" So I asked my teacher whether if it can be used, she said I can exchange, buy new one or share with friends..

Went to computer lab to print notes first before going to the bookshop.. There was so many things to be printed.. Study guide which consists of 116 pages and many many lecture notes & recipes.. We managed to print 90% of them so when school reopen, at least we don't have to rush down after school to print.. Can't imagine myself carrying uniform, knifes and running.. With the weight of the safety boots, it's just too heavy..

After printing, at the bookshop I had a hard time persuading the auntie to let me exchange.. It wasn't really my fault that the list was changed last minute as they found a better reference book :( But anyway, I managed to change it and purchase garde manger with additional of $22.. So those who bought baking & pastry, if you wanna change it for how baking works, it is possible. The aunties at the bookshop are prepared for your visit.. That's what they said.. How baking works is cheaper than baking & pastry by half.. There's questions for you to do & lots of theory stuff...

However.. They don't have one thing which makes me kinda regret returning it back.. No recipes at all!!!!!! I've flipped through the book & look at the content page.. I don't think there is.. At most one per chapter I think.. Sobs. Unlike baking & pastry, this is just words & more words.. :( So now I can't make the hard candy anymore.. Cause I no longer have the book.. And it'll be really troublesome for me to go back to the bookshop cause now the auntie remember my face.. If I buy outside 100% more expensive than in school.. I think I might check if the library have a copy.. Sigh.

Regarding my peach & mango tea I bought yesterday.. It smell good, like mango, taste like peach. Haha. Its true.. I added less than 500ml of hot water to it, still kinda diluted though.. And my tea bag is still inside the cup. The taste is quite alright.. Feeling relaxed already.. Oh, I heard that after drinking tea, you should rinse your mouth or drink water to prevent stain on teeth.. Not sure if its true, but no harm doing anyway.. Haha.

I shall start reading my study guide soon.. Or else if on Monday I'm being questioned and I don't know anything, I'm sure I will lose a lot of points.. 116 pages shouldn't take very long to read right?

2 more days to school! Tonight there's ghostwhisperer on channel 5!!!