I tried to be perfect it just doesn't worth it..
One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reached out, I'm only fooling myself..
Sigh.. Why do I feel so sad.
Can't do anything today..
Kept thinking about things that I shouldn't be..
Feel like banging wall.. Oh wait. I already did..
Today work kept forgetting what I'm supposed to do..
The things I did can never get any smiley face from them..
Another black face.. Another lousy day..
Been daydreaming too much I guess..
Think and dream too much about things that obviously not gonna happen..
Sigh. That's why they're called dream and dream never comes true..
Too good to be true..
That's what I thought too..
Been trying to fool myself saying that I will not be unhappy..
However just like loneliness, unhappiness know me by name too :(
Its just so hard to stay happy even for a second..
Life's so great that I feel like crying..
The good thing about crying is that you'll feel much better usually after crying out loud..
BUT I have problems for crying too.. What a problematic child :(
1. Can't cry at home cause parents will ask too much, tired of saying its cause of stress..
2. Cry outside people kept staring.. If at night can't stay out too late and there's stray cats staring :(
3. I've cried so much that I think I forgot how to cry now.. No more tears left..
Guess that I'm used to getting and being hurt..
Just one day.. All I'm asking for is just one day..
To be really happy.
And I really don't mind dying after that cause for the first time, I'm finally happy..
Somehow this is also a dream that will never come true though..
He won't give me happiness, I can't find it from anybody or anywhere else too..
Sometimes I really wonder what's wrong with me..
Yeah I know I think too much and I've come to realise from this experience..
If airplanes in the night sky are shooting stars, I can really use a wish right now :(
I don't know what else to do I'm confused I'm hurt I'm depressed I'm disappointed
So I'm running away..
From now on I won't be me anymore
I will just plaster a smile on the face no matter what..
I don't want to think don't want to dream don't want to talk don't want to say don't want to listen don't want to see anymore..
I'm tired of the way I'm being treated
I'm tired of being substitute
I'm tired of being unhappy cause of you
I'm tired of being disappointed again and again and again and again..
I know everything by now.. It's crystal clear.. So clear that it just pierce me right through my already broken heart..
When can I ever be important to someone?
Be important enough to be treated well?
Why am I always being lied to?
What makes you think I won't know the truth?
It's staring straight at me but I just choose not to believe..
Now even if I try to ignore it keeps coming back..
You're never willing..
To be good to me..
