Haven't update for like 1 month? There's nothing much to say about work since I have come to realise that its almost the same every single day.. Just some new updates about work..
1. One of my chef transferred to the club
2. I changed from the deep fryer station to the salad
3. New chef came.. From shatec, just one year older than me..
4. Kitchen finally become cleaner
5. We changed cleaner for more than 10times WOW
6. I have improved? I guess.. Maybe? I hope so..
I don't know what else to say about work.. I have see through it now.. As in, I have gotten used to the way things works. AND the way certain reaction you'll get if you do or say something..
Somehow they have the perception that school won't teach us such things like cooking, which is what I've been studying.. What school taught us, is the basic, and I know will definitely be different in the industry.. But doesn't mean that it's wrong. There are more than one way to do things. Its kinda obvious right? But here, you can't do your own way EVEN IF is better. They tell you not to learn what they're doing, however you have to do what they did. Which is confusing. Especially when everyone is doing different things and they expect you to do what they are doing as they believe they're right.
Hey, I'm not saying that you're wrong, but everyone have their own stand right? I can't follow blindly without knowing what I'm doing. But if ask too much I will received comments like you work here how long already still don't know? Sometimes I just don't want to make any mistakes and to prevent that I ask.. And that is what I got..
When everybody's in bad mood. Guess who gets it? The trainee of course! :( What to do? I'm just a trainee, I have no say.. That's why I got bullied also can't say anything. Not that it happens everyday.. But still.. That manager.. Sigh.
I realised people don't really like to take responsibility, whenever there's chance they'll push the blame to someone else.. Like me. Manager told me the other day that the customer complained about me.. Saying what he called me to call the service staff when in the first place he never even talk to me.
He waved. Yeah, I saw but I wasn't the service staff. ITS VERY VERY OBVIOUS SINCE I"M WEARING CHEF WHITE. Still, I turned my head, one head pouring drinks but facing guest. Manager walking towards him. The other staff taking orders but facing him as well. So there's THREE people looking at him right. So I continued to do my work as I was carrying alot of things at that time.
Oh, I was sent to collect things to do the mise en place by the way. But when I returned. 1. I got scolded for taking too many things saying the kitchen is too small but he say go take. 2. Manager say guest complain me. HOW GREAT?
Immediately my mood become very bad. I just keep quiet. I mean, you don't expect me to scream at them right? I tried to explain myself, but to them it's always either finding excuses or being rude. Kitchen can be noisy, with the machines working, water flowing, radio playing, people talking. Sometimes people can't hear what you talking so you speak louder. Aha. Once you become louder, they say you're being rude. Great.
My internal locus of control really need to be improved on.. Cause that day.. I was feeling very unhappy and with people keep saying and saying. I lost control of my tears.. Sigh. Embarrassed myself again. Too emotional.. :(
I tried my best, really to do well cause this is what I wanna do.. But. When your effort is not being appreciated, when they say you're forgetting what they taught when you didn't, when they say you're insulting your school cause you're so lousy in what you're doing, when you're being scolded for things that you didn't do, when you're just trying so badly to fit in and be happy.. And none of it goes exactly the way you planned it.. Its just depressing.. But you still have to smile and stuff everything else inside your small little heart hoping it won't burst..
That's why I am unhappy. Come to work happily, people give you black face all the way. Try to cheer them up, say jokes, they say you're not concentrating on your work. Concentrating on your work, they talk to you if your reply is not being heard, you're being rude. So you know what? My conclusion is, guys are weirder than girls. -.- Sigh. Just too complicated for me..
All these depressing stuff makes me wonder am I really suitable to be in this line.. So motivating not. I really like working here.. Just that its getting more and more demoralising.. Sad. Daph, please get used to these soon and be happy again..
