i wonder how i wonder why

Just suddenly feel emo now..
It just comes suddenly this weird feeling..
I finally realised what I wanted and what I need..
But the sad thing is that I can never have it..
At least, not in this life..
Its within my reach but its not meant for me..
Sigh..

Things I'll never say.. Things you'll never know..
Even if my happiness is short term..
At least that period I still wanna be happy..
Too bad you don't know..
That actually my 6th sense is quite strong and I can tell..
I can tell that I'm just substitute.. Just for show..

My old problem coming back to haunt me..
Heart and kidney.. So unlucky..
Gotta take more notice now..
No appetite really don't know why..
Lucky had a great dinner today..
Cause that's the only meal I had today..
Don't feel like eating, don't know is it cause no mood?
Or something is seriously wrong with my body?
But I'm not becoming thinner so it might not be anything at all..

I know everything now crystal clear..
Can't go to anyone just myself..
Will just keep everything to myself till its all over..
Go to a place where no one can find me..
A place that is very quiet..
Peaceful.. No stress..
Just me and the sky..
The sea and sands..
Find a spot and bury it all away..
Then maybe I can try and be happy again..
Just me myself and I.. Against the world..

It has been a very tiring and stressful journey..
Full of ups and downs.. More downs than ups in fact..
Been through different situations..
Experienced different emotions..
Been loved and cherished..
But not for long..

I don't know what else to say except that I'm really tired..
I wanna have a rest.. Hopefully fall asleep and never wake up..
But that is very unlikely to happen..
I just.. Wanna find a place to hide..
Somewhere where I can cry in peace..
Till I'll never need to do that again..
I'm not strong, but I will learn to..
All these things that I went through changed me..
For good or bad I not sure..
All I know is I am now different..
And I'm going to run away..
Lucky now is holiday, no school to prevent me from running..

Maybe I'll reply messages maybe I will answer calls
The possibilities are quite low though,,
But don't worry cause when I'm back
These things wont hurt me again

Here's a song from final fantasy 8, eyes on me
Don't why this song just pop out in my head as I was typing this..

I never sang my songs

On a stage, on my own

I never said my words

Wishing they would be heard

I saw you smiling at me

Was it real? Or just my fantasy?

You'll always be there in the corner

Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you

Same old song just once more

My last night here with you

Maybe yes, maybe no

I kinda like it your way

How you shyly placed your eyes on me

Did you ever know?

That I had mine on you

Darling so there you are

With that look on your face

As if you never hurt

As if you never down

Shall I be the one for you?

Who pinches you softly, but sure

If frown is shown then

I will know that you're no dreamer

So let me come to you

Close as I wanna be

Close enough for me

To feel your heart beating fast

And stay there as whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me

Did you ever know?

That I had mine on you

Darling so share with me

Your love if you have enough

Your tears if you're holding back

Or pain if that's what it is

How can I let you know?

I'm more than the dress and the voice

Just reach me out then

You will know that you're not dreaming